You're a what?
by ZeraSnape264
Summary: Edward moves into a house in Forks that everyone wants.Edward moves into the house on September 13th and strange things start to happen. First Fanfic published. AU No Vamps or Werewolves.
1. Beginning of a new life

**This is one of my first fanfics, but the first one I have published. Please have patience, I will try and update as fast as I can. The first couple of chapters will probably be T but it will turn into an M in later Chapters. Thanks all for reading my first Fic. A/U A/H OOC**

**Jeselia Xox**

_Ring._

_Ring._

_Ring._

"Hello, Edward Cullen speaking… Oh, Hey Alice… Did you see the house? Yes, I'm sure that's the one… I'll be there tomorrow night… I've got to go, Alice… I'll talk to you later; give Mom and Dad a hug from me. Bye Alice." My name is Edward Cullen, as you have just read by the conversation I had with my older sister, Alice. Well, I suppose you're wondering what the conversation was about. Obviously it was about a house, but what about it? Well, it was about the house to which I moved to from Chicago. The house was in a dreary little town called Forks. I used to visit my parents there every summer when I was in Chicago at Boarding School. It was the house everyone wanted, yet no one could have it. The owner never sold it and never wanted to sell it, until now. Billy Black lived in La Push down on the Quileute Reservation with a house in Forks for his family to live in when he died. Unfortunately, he didn't have any children so he kept it. Carlisle, my father, called Billy and told him that I wanted the house and would buy it from him for a large amount of money. Of course, Billy wanted the money to go to charity, 'seeing as I'm dyin' anyways' were his direct words. So that's how I became the proud owner of the house in Forks, which everyone wanted. I sighed and looked out the window of my 21st story office; saying goodbye to the city life and hello to the small town life. I collected the papers scattered on my desk and shut down my laptop. When I walked out of my office, I told my assistant, Jessica, she could go.

"Good luck, Mr. Cullen. Everyone will miss you, especially me. It's been an honour working with you." I slung my laptop bag over my shoulder and shook her hand.

"Good luck with your future, Jess." I pushed the button for the elevator and waited. When the doors opened I pressed the button for the garage. The trip was slow and really annoying. I can't see why they have really annoying elevator music. Why can't they have a radio or something in there? I breathed a sigh of relief when my Volvo came into view. I jumped into the leather seats and started the engine. I quickly pulled out of the office garage and sped toward my apartment. I stopped at the curb and ran inside to change out of my suit and into my jeans and my Ramones T-shirt. My cell phone vibrated in my pocket. I looked at the caller ID and saw that it was Tanya. I sighed and pushed ignore, not wanting to put up with her crap. I wrote people a quick note, no one, except my family and my office, knew I was leaving. Hopefully, Tanya would not come over before I leave. I really don't want to have this conversation where she can slap, scratch or gouge my eyes out and shove them so far up my ass I can see myself eat. I made sure my bags were packed and sitting by the front door before going to the kitchen and grabbing my snacks for the drive. I looked around my apartment once more before grabbing my bags and heading out into the warm September evening.


	2. Chapter 2

It started raining as soon as I got to Seattle. Typical. I should've remembered. I was meeting Alice at the house so I could drop my bags off and change before I went to my parent's house for dinner. As I drove into Forks, I started to remember all the fun I had during the summers. Jasper, Emmett and I were like the Three Musketeers but with out the moustaches and the pirate looking hats. We used to do the stupidest things. They were mostly Emmett's ideas, but Jasper and I had the more 'ways to do crazy shit without getting caught' sort of pranks. Go to the church on a Sunday afternoon and knock on the door until someone would come. When they would open the door, we would look at one another and say, 'Ok, no one's at this one. Let's go to the one down there." We would act like old people who were blind. Jasper was best at it; saying stuff that would make The Virgin Mary's toes curl. There was also the day Jasper and I dressed Emmett up as a toddler and dropped him off at the local kindergarten. He seemed to fit right in because he had the maturity of a 4 year old sometimes. If we hadn't have done that, he wouldn't have met Rose, my soon to be sister-in-law.

My phone vibrated for the umpteenth time that evening. I growled and pushed the ignore button, knowing it was Tanya. Rather than pull over the car and sit on the side of the highway for 2 hours, I would take care of her later on this evening. She wasn't even that hot. We met at this charity function and hit it off. We had been dating for 6 months before she started staying over; 'only in the guest room' I kept telling her. 1 year passed and she kept hinting towards marriage so I gave her a shopping trip in France, just to shut her up. My family hated her and I started to see why a month ago. I was going to spend some time with my family, but she said it was either them or her. As much as I wanted to stay, I went and that totally pissed her off. When she got back she had moved most of her things into my apartment. When she was at work one day I placed all of her things outside, changed the locks and told her I needed a break. That was a week ago. My phone started ringing Alice's ring tone; Apple bottom jeans - T-Pain.

_ Shawty had them Apple Bottom Jeans [Jeans]  
Boots with the fur [With the fur]  
The whole club was lookin at her  
She hit the flo [She hit the flo]  
Next thing you know  
Shawty got low low low low low low low low  
Them baggy sweat pants  
And the Reeboks with the straps [With the straps]  
She turned around and gave that big booty a smack [Ayy]  
She hit the flo [She hit the flo]  
Next thing you know  
Shawty got low low low low low low low low_

"What up, Ali?"_ Ed, where are you? This house is creeping me the fuck out. _"I'm driving up the drive as we speak." _Well, can you hurry the fuck up, it's scary. _"I'm here, sis. Stop freaking out." I hung up and opened my door. Alice was sitting on the steps; texting. She looked up and danced over to me.

"Thank Jasper, you're here. I haven't been able to reach the power box." I laughed at her expression and ran up the steps and onto the porch. The box was inline with my head so of course Alice couldn't reach it. I'm 6'3 and she's 5'1. I flipped the switch and the porch light buzzed on.

"Ok, I'm out of here. Shower, change and leave as soon as you're done. Don't fuck about, ok? Mom and Dad want to see you as much as Emmett does. Oh, and make sure you're ready for a running Emmett." With that she ran to her car and started it. With a final wave she sped off down my drive way. I pulled out the silver key, and turned the handle. _Creeeeek. _I must remember to oil the door. I flicked on the lights as I walked through the house. It was one of those old houses, like the ones you see on Pride and Prejudice. The kitchen was off the main hall and the dining room was off the kitchen. The living room was up the stairs on the right, while my study was on the left. The third story had the bedrooms on it. There were three on the third floor, two on the bottom and one on the second floor. I walked into the biggest room on the third floor and found that it was gonna be my gym. The second room I walked into was going to be my bedroom and the others were to be my guest rooms, until I found other uses for them. I walked into the ensuite bathroom and started the shower. I shed my clothes and jumped in only having to jump out again. The water was freezing. _Come on, Cullen. Grow some balls and be done with it. Anyone who can go out with Tanya 'Cerberus' Denali has to have the balls to stand a freezing cold shower._ I realised my inner monolouge was right, so I jumped in again; taking shallow breaths until I got used to the temperature. I was in there for five minutes before it was too much and I turned off the water.

I quickly sifted through my clothes and pulled out my green dress shirt and my navy blue pants. Alice said the shirt complimented my eyes and the shirt went with the pants. I ran my hand through my wet, but dishevelled hair and tried to tame it. I gave up after a few seconds and left the bathroom. When I walked into my room for the second time, something was off. My jeans, which I had haphazardly thrown onto the floor, were now folded and sitting on the floor next to my shoes; I had also thrown them off my feet. I shrugged it off and turned the light off, almost running down the stairs and through my front door. I walked through the light drizzle to my car and hoped in, speeding off toward my parent's house.

As Alice predicted, Emmett came running at me as soon as I stepped foot in the door. I braced myself for the 23 year old man to hug me in one of his famous bone crushing hugs.

"Em…. Can't…. Breathe… Down, boy" I managed to choke out before he let me go. I hugged Rosalie and Alice before hugging my mother.

"Where's Jazz and Dad?" Mom glanced at Alice and started giggling. I heard shouting coming from my old room.

"No, Carlisle, I swear to you that it didn't look like that. You…"

"Jasper Whitlock Hale, do you mean to tell me that what I walked in on was not you…"

"No!! I didn't mean to end up splattering you with it. You just walked in at the wrong moment and when you did, you frightened me and I let go."

"You ruined Edward's couch, and my jeans. So help me, Jasper, get cleaned up before Edward gets here or you will be sleeping in the yard." As soon as I heard something about my couch I was done the hall and at my bedroom door. As I pushed it open, my eyes widened and my jaw dropped. What had my father and Jasper done to my couch?

**A/N~ I know this chapter was short, but if I do short chapters, I might update them more and faster… Please keep in mind that I will try to update as fast as I can… Please Rate and Review…**

**Jeseliaxox**


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